Josh Byers

It Was the Best of Times and the Worst of Times

I was just thinking…

The smell of a fresh bag of properly cooked popcorn is one of the best things in the world. The smell of a burned bag is one of the worst. Just a few seconds in the microwave separate one of life’s great experiences from 2 days of horrible stench in your kitchen.

It’s either really good or really bad – there’s not a lot of in-between.

Here are a few more things that are either the best or the worst:

• An orange – you never really know until after you bit in and sucked down some juice
• Your favorite team in the championship game
• The Matrix trilogy (1st 2=awesome, 3rd=worst. movie. ever.)

Any other ideas?

What’s New in ’07?

Time for the requisite family and friends update.

I have been getting a lot of emails from family and friends with all the cute and cuddly details about their lives. And since my email habits are like my phone habits (I try and spend as little time on both as possible) I’ve been feeling a little guilty about not sharing the details that some of you love (Mom…)

First of all, it would be nice if the temperature would stay above 20 degrees for 2 straight days. I don’t think I’m asking a lot here. I honestly can’t remember a stretch this cold this long in my lifetime. I promise I will never make “Old People Living in Florida” jokes again. My Christmas lights are still half up…and I’m a person who can’t stand it when people leave their lights up past the 26th of December. If I were to try and go on our roof at this point I am pretty sure I would either slide off on to the driveway and break something vital or slide into the power lines and fry something vital. So the lights are staying up for now – at least they’re not on.

I traveled to San Francisco again in January for my job but was unable to bring Mickie along this time. It was too bad too because my second day of training was canceled. I ended up driving to Monterey Bay for the day. It is a really cool coastal town. I was going to go to the Aquarium but it was a wee bit pricey. Its always fun eating by yourself in a touristy place as well. I tried to make myself look like as little of a loser as possible by spreading out a couple folders and made it look like I was working or something. I actually just stared at the water and the sea gulls. I ended the day by driving back up the coast to SF which was really cool.

Probably the single biggest thing to happen in 2007 so far was my acquisition of a Nintendo Wii. If you don’t know the Nintendo Wii is revolutionary game system that gets most of its input based on motion. So if you are playing Tennis you swing the controller just like a racket and the system picks up your motion and translates it on the screen. Mickie and I played one at our friends the Criggers’ house and had a lot of fun. You know it’s a good gaming system when Mick gets into it – and let me tell she gets into it. Playing tennis one day I had to cower in fear against the wall to avoid her Venus Williams like arm swings… The youth group has had a blast with it as well. Bowling is the most popular among that group.

Mia has been going through, well how do I say it, an independent stage…

I probably say this every time I write about her but I love watching her figure out new things. Her conversation gets more mature all the time and I can’t believe the size of clothes Mickie bought for her the other day. She has been memorizing a lot of songs recently and the current hit is from the Little Mermaid. I have a video I’ll post soon or maybe in a year… Her favorite activity right now is to make “Jumpers”. Well, I actually make them she just jumps on them. For the uneducated a “jumper” is a combination of couch cushions, pillows, blankets and anything else that would break the fall of a 2 year old from about 4 feet.

This post is getting a little long so I’ll spare you all the rest and try and update a little more frequently and a lot shorter.

Hopefully none of you are as dumb as this guy…

The Greatest Invention Ever…No Really

I just found possibly one of the most useful things in my lifetime. No, not a really fast electric car, or even a Feline Stay-Fresh Drinking Fountain…(which is sold out by the way due to its immense popularity) No dear brothers and sisters I’m talking about the Procrastinator’s Clock.

What? Me? A Procrastinator? Those who know me best would say I am, though I like to say I manage my tasks to be done when they need to be not when they could be… Anyway this particular clock courtesy of David Seah runs 15 minutes fast. Not impressed are you? You can do that with a normal clock? Ahhh, but does your clock speed up and slow down unpredictably? Didn’t think so. The slogan for this fine product is really great: “This clock runs fast up to 15 minutes…or does it?

You never know if you’re 15 minutes ahead or if you’re right on time – so you can’t cheat.

This needs to be a function put into all alarm clocks. Why hasn’t someone thought of this before? Millions of dollars are waiting to be made.

Well, I need to end this post – I’m late for work…

Mia-Speak

Over the last 2 years I have become bi-lingual. I speak fluent English and passable “Toddler.” The tricky thing is that “Toddler” is not a standardized language and there are many dialects. In fact its probably safe to say that just about every kid from the age of 0-4 has their own personal dialect (some adults too…).

When this all starts its about as hard to learn and understand as Elvish in Tolkien novel – but with time and a good amount of paying attention you start to figure it out.

With this comes a challenge: Can you match the toddler speak to the song titles below that Mia requests over and over?

1. Bom Bom Ding
2. Do bop a do bop
3. Hammerhamham

Answers:

• U Can’t Touch This
• I Can See Clearly Now
• Orinoco Flow

Good Luck.

Get To Know Your Opera

I read a lot of tech news sites and inevitably about once a day one will mention the web browser Opera (pronounced like the funny singing). And even though its spelled differently, I guess I’m so used to seeing Oprah Winfrey’s (the media mogul that has the women of America as her slaves (in another post another time I’ll lay out my arguments why I believe Oprah is poised to rule the world-by force if need be)) name in print I automatically think the article is talking about her. This has led to some funny thoughts. Below are some of the more intriguing headlines I’ve scoured.

• Opera experiments with new “social press release”
• Opera Christmas Widget!
• 10 Things You Can Do Only If You Use Opera
• Opera Mini has inspired more than eight million users
• Is Opera Bloated?
• Opera is a full-featured Internet tool
• Opera passes the Acid2 test!
• Get to know your Opera
• Opera has great widgets

All Lit Up

It’s the holiday season and the festivities have begun. Saturday I participated in the time honored tradition of trying not to break my neck falling off the roof or electrocuting myself on power lines, or more commonly known as “hanging the Christmas lights.” When we lived in our town house there weren’t a lot of options for decorating – basically a string around the garage was all I could muster but our new house has presented a whole new opportunity.

Mid-morning Mia and I made the journey to our local Wal-Mart to scope out the light scene. I didn’t know really what I was going to do, but I at least had the foresight to measure our roof so I had some semblance of how many lights we needed. What I wasn’t prepared for however was the range of choices that I was presented with at Wal-Mart. Speaking of Wal-Mart, is there any other place in the world you can buy a goldfish, have your oil changed, watch a plasma tv, and be greated by a friendly elderly person? Didn’t think so.

Mia and I decided on some icicle lights. Now there are good icicle lights and bad ones. I really don’t like the ones that hang down half-way to the ground and I really don’t like the ones that actually look like icicles. In a moment of brilliance I also picked up some light hanging thingies that turned out to be awesome.

Climbing up the ladder I had several Clark Griswold flashbacks only if I fall it’s to my concrete driveway… Not sure why I didn’t choose to do this the previous weekend when it was literally 50 degrees warmer. I love to get on roof tops. I think every guy gets satisfaction when you climb to the top of something. I’ve been watching the Everest series on the Discovery channel and for a brief second on the summit of my roof I imagined myself on the summit of Everest… I had conquered my roof. I am man. I am awesome…or something like that.

Got the lights hung without too much drama and then came the part that I dread – the re-mounting of the ladder. Not sure why but I get really freaked out when making that first step back on to the ladder. It always feels like the ladder will fall and then I’ll fall and I’ll die… Made it down though and plugged the lights in and……………………………….they worked!!!…………..for 5 minutes…

Turns out when the box says you can connect 3 strands together it actually meant 3 and not 7…

Luckily only the first strand blew a fuse which by the way are the most ridiculous things to try and replace. I almost went back to Wal-Mart to buy a new set cause I couldn’t get that stupid fuse out. Finally wrestled it out with a steak knife, put in a new one, ran an additional cord and presto, we have lights!

Now I just need to start working on convincing Mickie to leave them up all year…

Cheeseburgers – the Legal Drug

Besides the wheel, fire, and the internet, probably the greatest invention of all time is fast food. (Note: sarcasm is fairly hard to convey while typing without the use of “quotes” or the three dotted thingy…neither of which could convey the amount laid on by the last statement.)

I’m inclined to agree with Morgan Spurlock (of Super Size Me fame) that it is addicting. How else can you describe something that is horrible for your body but we consume in mass quantities anyway? That said I enjoy my fast food anyway.

Here are my top picks for fast food items:

1. In ‘n Out Burger
2. KFC Famous Bowl
3. McDonald’s French Fries
4. Jimmy John’s Turkey Tom Sub
5. Burger King Whopper w/Cheese
6. Wendy’s Frosty
7. Fazzoli’s Bread sticks

Nintendo – Drugs for Kids…

I’m not quite sure if something has been in the air lately or what but I’ve had a resurgence of nostalgia for the old video games that I grew up with.

It all started a couple weeks ago when I found a web site that has emulated over 250 classic Nintendo games that you can play right in your browser. Nearly all of my favorites are there – Rad Racer, Ninja Gaiden, RC Pro Am, and of course the king of all NES games (Nintendo Entertainment System) Super Mario Bros. 3. Mickie then got me a throwback Atari system for my birthday which has 15 or so classic Atari games in one console. That really took me back because the Atari was the first game system I ever owned.

I mentioned in a previous post that my family was slow to get on the technology bandwagon and video games were no exception. I think we got the Atari system after the Super NES had come out. But I wasn’t complaining it was a blast!

Mickie has an old NES at her parents house and I’m trying to lobby to get it up here. Like I need more distractions…

Today I found a list that some people had compiled of the top 100 games for the NES. If you are a Nintendo fan the descriptions on the list will bring back some great memories, frustrations, triumphs, and excitement.

Of course the number one game on the list was Super Mario Brothers 3 – quite possibly the best video game of all time. One of my friends and I would always try and rent it when I came over. (I’m not sure why he never bought it – probably would have saved his mom a lot of money…) We had to walk about 3 miles to grocery store (is dedication or insanity?) where it was available to rent. I can’t begin to explain the excitement when we would see the yellow box on the shelf or the disappointment when it wasn’t but it was a truly ‘religious’ experience.

Here is a list of my favorite games for the NES, what are yours?

• Rad Racer
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 – The Arcade Game
• Ninja Gaiden (I II and III)
• Mike Tyson’s Punch Out
• Super Mario Bros. (1 ,2 and 3)

Future Blackmail in the Making

Since shifting my business model to be more focused on my name rather than that of my company I google my name every so often to see where I am in the rankings. It’s also a good excuse to do a vanity search…

For the past couple of years the top entries on almost every search engine were related to a soldier by the same name who had died in Iraq. This was quite eerie when it first happened because the soldier also happens to be from Colorado. Since I switched to WordPress I have noticed my ranking climb higher and higher and now I am the number one ranking on Google, Yahoo, and others.

While doing this I thought I would see where Mia and Mickie ranked. They were number one as well which wasn’t a huge surprise because those names are less common than Josh. What was surprising was the text that went along with Mia’s entry.

So when she’s 15 and being belligerent I can pull out this picture and let her know that at one point the biggest search engine in the world had a conversation about her underwear as it’s number one ranking…

In case you didn’t read it, google is referencing a post I made a bit ago about how on a trip Mickie and Mia switched suitcases and ended up with each others clothes. You can read about it here.

Fortunately these things are volatile and should change soon.

Mega-What and Pixel-Who?

In the last few years we have seen the digital camera movement rise to unprecedented heights. I’m talking about my parents adopting a technology that isn’t at least twenty years old. To be fair, they did get an HDTV before me…though that’s not the point.

With everyone buying digital cameras and getting all hyped up about being able to print their own pictures there are quite a few misconceptions and a lot of questions that the basic consumer needs answered.

I used to teach computer classes at CompUSA and every so often I would instruct some first time digital camera owners on how to use their fancy new gadgets. The question that came up the most often was “what is a megapixel and why do I care?” That question is still a valid one today and I just came across a great article and diagram that I will share with you now.

Simply put, the number of mega pixels your camera determines the quality of the photos it is capable of. Notice I said “capable.” Just because you have the worlds greatest camera doesn’t make you the worlds best photographer… So how many megapixels do I need? The chart below illustrates the size of photo you can print with a minimum number of megapixels. For example: if your camera has 6 megapixels you can print a 6′x10′ photograph that looks film quality. Anything over 6′x10′ and you will start to notice loss in quality.

For most people the magic number is 8′x10′ since most consumer printers will not print anything larger than a standard piece of paper. To print out a film quality 8×10 you need somewhere between a 6 and 8 megapixel camera.

(inches are on the sides and the megapixels are the big numbers in the colored boxes.)

Here is the link to the original article.